THE stefanik family
As long-time members of The O’Neal School community, my wife and I are facing a situation that has profoundly affected our family and shaken our confidence in the school’s leadership to its core. Cassie Stefanik, a proud alumna from the class of ’96, and I, Rick Stefanik, having served on the Board of Trustees, have always been deeply committed to O’Neal. Our three children, who started their education in pre-K3, embody over 20 years of our family’s involvement with the school. This longstanding connection makes the current issues we’re facing even more distressing for us.
“an exemplary O’Neal family and we are proud that you have chosen the School to provide your children’s education.” – Board of Trustees chair
ASSAULT
AT THE GAZEBO
On April 24th, 2023, our oldest child experienced a brutal attack at The O’Neal School, near the gazebo on Konni’s Courtyard. He was violently assaulted by a classmate, enduring being kneed, grabbed by the throat, knocked to the ground, and repeatedly kicked in the abdomen. Despite his pleas to stop, the assault escalated. Afterward, he reported the incident to Mrs. Miryah Walters, the division head. Shockingly, she sent him back to class with his assailant and did not inform the teacher. Feeling threatened, our son called us on his Apple Watch for help, while the assailant continued to harass him. We immediately contacted the school to ensure the children were separated and supervised. The school nurse later confirmed bruises and recommended further medical attention if the pain worsened. The attacker, we understood, was unharmed during the incident.
INJURIES
The day after the assault, our child’s pain sent us to the emergency room where doctors found blood in his urine and diagnosed him with injuries from physical assault. His condition included severely painful spasms occurring every couple of minutes eventually confining him to a recliner chair for over six weeks. Despite treatment, he developed a large baseball sized hematoma and had a deep muscle fascia tear. This required specialized care from UNC and Duke including pain management injections in his abdomen and physical therapy. These injuries resulted in substantial medical expenses totaling nearly $35,000 of claims against our health insurance and our son was unable to attend school or engage in sports for three months.
LEADERSHIP FAILS AGAIN
After the assault we met with John Elmore, the Head of School, who reviewed medical records from the emergency room including a chart labeling the attack as a physical assault. He seemed to understand the seriousness of our son’s injuries. He acknowledged that such behavior was unacceptable, stating that a student cannot inflict such harm on another, regardless of whether it was intentional or not. Yet, when our son tried to return to school a few days later to complete his standardized testing, he was placed in the same class as his assailant, again without the teacher being informed. This negligence worsened his distress as the attacker resumed his hostile behavior. During tests, our son was in pain and couldn’t sit still while his attacker glared at him from a few seats away, yet our son was labeled a distraction. Despite our doctor’s request for basic accommodations, like being provided with a padded seat, Elmore instead immediately placed our son on mandatory medical leave.
“Given the attached note, it is unclear exactly how to accommodate in the way the CPNP has noted.” – John Elmore
LAW ENFORCEMENT
Frustrated by the assailant’s continued aggression and with the recommendation of our doctors, we took the case to the Southern Pines Police on May 10th. Detective Kavanaugh led the investigation, interviewing our child, the witness, school administrators, and noting the school’s lack of surveillance and supervision. After finding evidence of probably cause, charges of “Simple Assault” were filed against the assailant leading to a juvenile justice case. The assaulter is now dealing with the consequences of his actions in the criminal justice system. He continues to attend The O’Neal School, highlighting a disconnect between the school’s actions and the ongoing legal process.
NAVIGATING ROADBLOCKS
Following the police investigation, we faced immense difficulty in obtaining support from The O’Neal School for our son. Despite his doctors clearing him to return to school for exams and graduation, our scheduling requests were ignored. Miryah Walters planned to mark him incomplete for the school year, disregarding his medical clearance to finish 6th grade. Our attempts to collect his personal belongings from his locker were also dismissed. Based on his doctors’ recommendations, and with approval from his swim coaches, we brought our son to swim practice to aid in his recovery as gentle swimming was the only activity he could tolerate without substantial pain. However, John Elmore abruptly denied his return even after we submitted a medical note. Elmore demanded additional clarity from the doctor and threatened our standing with the school, particularly concerning our public discussions of the matter.
“The O’Neal School has been cooperative in helping your family and law enforcement in this situation. It is important that your public discussions of the matter do not create a situation that makes it impossible for your family to maintain a positive and constructive relationship with O’Neal.” – John Elmore
BOARD INACTION
Confronted with John Elmore’s hostile actions towards our son and the administration’s overall response, we contacted Lynda Acker, the Board Chair, on June 27, 2023. After detailing our family’s ordeal and the assault, Lynda acknowledged the lack of surveillance cameras and adult oversight near the gazebo. We then met with key board members, including Lynda Acker, Denise Gutschmit, Konni McMurray, and Chris Rhue to discuss our concerns and later submitted a detailed complaint to the board. Disappointingly, the response we received dismissed most of our concerns, and we later learned that not all board members had seen our complaint even though we were assured that it would be distributed, raising questions about the board’s transparency.
“I share your concerns that Central Campus and the Middle School playground should be more carefully monitored going forward … I will inquire as to when the above-mentioned areas will receive cameras and request that the Middle School institute a system whereby teachers monitor the areas where children are playing during recess, lunch, and after school.” – Lynda Acker
THREATENING THE FAMILY
After weeks of silence, John Elmore emailed us, clearing our son to return to school. Yet, days later, he sent a letter criticizing our relationship with O’Neal, citing a clause for potential expulsion, and emphasizing the need for a positive relationship with the school. This felt like a serious threat, as if any criticism could risk our children’s enrollment. Elmore further directed us to route all communications through division heads, further limiting our interaction with the school. This left us concerned about the implications of our lawful involvement in the assault case and the potential for it being seen as interference by the school.
“Therefore, please further understand that negative comments about O’Neal or its faculty or staff, or interference with the educational experience of any member of our school community, will regrettably result in adverse action.” – John Elmore
VICTIM SILENCING
When our son returned to The O’Neal School for swim team tryouts, John Elmore and Miryah Walters’ presence was notably unusual. Their attention seemed more focused on him, without offering any reassurance of safety. In the days following, he felt uncomfortably monitored as adults followed him and limited his ability to interact with teachers and other students. On August 22nd, our son approached his science teacher in private about a concern that he would be placed into a group project with his assaulter. The teacher seemed unaware of the attack and escalated the issue to Miryah Walters. The next morning, he was taken to a room with Miryah and the Dean of Students, Kristen Blaire, where they harshly imposed a gag order on him. He was told that he was not allowed to discuss the details of his assault with anyone on campus including his teachers. When he questioned the reasoning for this, the only answer provided was that he must follow the rules. Our efforts to advocate for his right to freely communicate about his safety concerns were met with rigid enforcement of this order, underlining the administration’s approach of silencing and surveillance over genuine support.
“While I understand it is your preference that he discuss the matters of his assault only with you or the counselor, his safety is of the utmost importance, and he must be able to bring matters promptly to the attention of the adults present if he feels concerned.” – Rick and Cassie Stefanik
VICTIM TARGETTING
The next day, despite our son having a history of good behavior and grades, he received a disciplinary warning for using a boy’s bathroom near the locker room that was frequently accessed by students in middle school. Then, he was given detention for “Inappropriate Conduct” after running after and catching a friend who had taken a chip bag from his hands on the playground. These minor events were treated as major infractions, contrasting with his past nine years of conduct at O’Neal. The school then demanded that the three of us (both parents and our now 12-year-old son) sign a contract limiting our interactions with others at school, further isolating our family. The mistreatment continued as on the morning of September 15th, the day of the deadline for signing the expectations contract, our son was suspended for allegedly “stealing” after picking up an unattended Pop-Tart from a common area—a normal spot for sharing unclaimed food among students. The suspension, initially set for the remainder of the day was later extended through the weekend until the following Monday, effectively barring him from returning until after the signing deadline had passed.
“All communication between your family and the School regarding [SON] must go through the Middle School Division Head. There can be no direct communication with [SON’s] teachers, staff, or coaches without an administrator present.
… The expectations outlined in this contract represent the minimal and fundamental requirements for [son] to remain a student at The O’Neal School.” – John Elmore
TERMINATION
On September 18th, 2023, our relationship with The O’Neal School drastically changed when John Elmore terminated our son’s enrollment. He claimed that we had not adhered to school expectations, citing various disciplinary infractions and our supposed lack of communication, specifically our non-response to the expectations contract. Consequently, our son was completely barred from the school campus and kicked off the swim team, despite it being open to non-O’Neal students. This decision impacted our entire family as the school then imposed new restrictions for our other children’s continued enrollment. He required that we agree to no longer have any direct communication with teachers or other O’Neal employees without the division head being present, including conferences and any informal communication. Furthermore, Cassie was removed from her volunteer role as class parent, a role she had held since our family’s early days at O’Neal. This seemed like a clear act of retaliation, affecting not just our children’s education but our entire family’s engagement with the school community.
“[son] is not allowed on the O’Neal campus at any time for any reason. Additionally, he is no longer eligible to participate in the O’Neal aquatics program.
… All communication between your family and [our children’s] teachers or other O’Neal employees must include the division head. This includes conferences and any informal communication.” – John Elmore
CONCLUSION
After enduring this ordeal, we realized it was impossible for our two younger children to safely attend classes at O’Neal with these new restrictions and were forced to remove them. We have retained legal counsel and plan to hold the school accountable for the injustices and distress they have caused our family.
In the first letter from O’Neal’s attorney, they once again dismissed the seriousness of our son’s criminal assault by referring to it as a “scuffle.” They then continued their victim blaming by implying it was our fault for what happened because we did not maintain a “positive and constructive relationship” with the school even though John Elmore himself refused in writing to meet or speak with us. Finally, they suggested that by refunding the tuition we paid them for the current school year, this somehow absolves them of any further responsibility.
We urge parents, both prospective and current, to be aware of our experience. It has become clear to us that the school administration’s focus was to silence and suppress any negative comments that could injure their reputation instead of acknowledging and addressing a serious safety matter for all students attending campus. Their actions have significantly diverged from the values they claim to uphold. Be careful and be warned.
